-the unsent letter

I hate when you

say you love me

or miss me

I gave up on you

after the countless times

you pushed away my outstretched hands

I cried away my love

when you told me

I was ugly

when I sat in the scorching water

of the bathtub

hoping to burn away my skin

shrink my body

anything to be more like you

I stopped missing you

when your embrace

reminded me of how your hands

shook me to exorcise imagined demons from my soul

I grew tired of you mocking my pain

hurting me because he hurt you

I grew afraid of the indiscernible

memory of you touching me

when I stopped wanting you to love me

or miss me

I was free

to love myself

and within me


cultivated fields of flowers.

now your ceaseless

belated love

feels like the suffocation

of an already drowning body

so, please




let me heal

– mother’s day 2018


Featured image by Goelle Cousin


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