this solitary mood has made a home of me
i had not imagined the sudden maddening quiet, the hollowness of solitude
unbearable, it consumes everything,
engorges like a thirsty fire.
it is remarkable how alike fire and ice are.
fire and ice. numb and sudden brutal bursts of fury,
scorching like wind-laden rain.
and then i am nothing again,
i am a quiet, miserable fog,
wading my way through this
in an enduring, yet inevitable heartbreak.
i chose the solitude.
and i fear it-
its harsh wind,
the deep, withering melancholy-
when did my bright dancing autumn leaves, become this heavy with rain?
– winter in hout bay